OPINION: How one woman's funeral showed the strength in community

"Let's not send Mary off from Carlow alone."

These were the words spoken by Funeral Director Rory Healy this week, following the death of Mary Regan, an 89-year-old woman who had lived in County Carlow for several years but hailed from west Cork.

Mary had lived the last of her years in Hillview Nursing home and following the passing of her husband Fred over a year ago, Mary was left alone, with no next of kin, and no one to visit her in her home.

Thankfully Mary had the great care and attention from the lovely staff working at her nursing home, but in the end she was alone, with no one close to send her off to wherever we go when we pass.

Knowing this, Rory Healy took to social media to appeal to anyone that could spare 45 minutes out of their day, to come and say goodbye to Mary and to give her a send off that not only gave recognition to the life she lived but recognised that when the Irish come together, we can really make a difference.

More than 300 people attended Mary's funeral, an incredible turnout that stunned Mr Healy, who was expecting (or hoping) to see around 20, while also making headline news.

This incredible pull of the Carlow community made me think about the Irish and their, somewhat, morbid fascination and almost love of funerals and death, a saying that I've heard time and time again sticks out, "nobody does a funeral like the Irish."

Of course, every funeral is different depending on circumstances, but in Mary's case, she had lived to a "good age", an age where people can say that she had a long life and that was a life worth celebrating.

Death is a part of life, a part that the Irish have embraced throughout history with traditions such as the wake, the covering of clocks and mirrors, the opening of doors to let the spirit out, and so many more.

It may seem like we enjoy the misery and the melancholia of it all, but it's the innate respect for those that have passed that is in us, a respect that one of our own has now gone and we we need to remember them, celebrate them, and come together like we have always done. 

Other countries have their customs too, from water burials in Nordic countries to parading of the body surrounded in bright colours in India and in some Filipino traditions, the body is sat upright in a chair while the mourners take their picture with them.

Traditional funerals in Ireland are almost tangible, the dressing in the dark cloths, the stillness of the streets as the hearse passes by, the shaking of the hands and the countless "I'm sorry for your loss". All of this leads to the inevitable afters, where stiff drinks are consumed and stories are told of the magnificent and unforgettable person who has just been given there final farewell.

It's irrelevant that Mary Regan knew nobody who turned up to her solemn funeral on Tuesday morning, nor was it important that none of the 300 there knew her, because in a way, they did.

They knew her as a person in our community, a life that was important that surely filled the hearts of those that were close to her at one time, she surely worked hard at being a good person and did so with dignity, and that demanded respect, the respect that we all hope we deserve when we go.

Death is inevitable and therefore must be respected, something that Irish give in spades.

It's easy to look at the Irish attitude surrounding death and call it morbid, when in actuality it's one of our strengths, our superpowers, to be able to look at the saddest days and turn them into a quite celebration of love, community, and togetherness.

And I hope Mary, somehow, somewhere, felt that too.

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