PLOUGHING ON REGARDLESS

The 15 types of people you'll meet every year at the Ploughing

We'll miss them this year but hopefully we'll all gather in a field again in 2021

Justin Kelly

Reporter:

Justin Kelly

Email:

justin.kelly@iconicnews.ie

The 15 types of people you'll meet every year at the Ploughing

The 15 types of people you'll meet at the Ploughing

The early bird...

This person is at the gates at 6am and makes their way through the site like a parent with about five minutes to do the shopping. While others sit in traffic on the bypass, they will mop up all the free stuff - from gourmet cheese to chalk, cowboy hats and free hi-viz jackets from the Irish Farmers Journal. Straight into the boot with the five from last year! 

The late complainer...

The polar opposite of our early bird. Rocks up at around 2pm when the free stuff is down to a few Revenue Commissioners keyrings. They queue up to get into the Aldi tent to find Paul O'Connell has gone home, the entertainment is over and there isn't even a celebrity chef left to get a selfie with! 

The newbie in a rear-wheel-drive...

Probably from Dublin, let's be honest. Swings in the gate in their BMW X5 in the pouring rain and sets off for the day. Come 5pm, no amount of bark will be enough to keep them above ground as they sink into culchie country. Some poor steward will get plastered in muck trying to push them out. Not so much as a 'thank you.'

A farmer let-loose...

This lad will look like he walked out of the milking shed at home and straight onto the Band Stand dancefloor. A fairly weathered body warmer, wellies, flat cap and a day off! Every farmer's dream. This lad will throw some serious shapes before the day is out and will probably drop a small fortune on a new tractor before hitting the road for the evening shift!  

The traumatised townie...

Trust us, you won't find it hard to spot this lot. An absolute downpour, wind, rain and fecking misery forecast and they'll be swanning around in a pair of skinny jeans and Vans like a Vogue model. They'll regret their choice of footwear and little pump socks by the end of the day when they've walked ten miles and traipsed through a three-foot deep swamp on the way to the carpark. 

A hand-shaking local politician...

Whether it's Offaly or Carlow, Wexford or Laois, there will be a local councillor walking purposefully around the site on the hunt for important-looking people. Wealthy businessmen, dignitaries, ministers, TDs, you name it, they'll have the hand shook off it. If they bump into the President while being trailed by photographers, they'll die happy. Re-election secured, maybe even a stint as Cathaoirleach! 

The tractor-obsessed child...

The Ploughing is Disney Land to this girl or boy. They are hopping with excitement in head-to-toe John Deere overalls, maybe a Hit The Diff hat, wellies, the lot. They know the makes and models of tractors by sound alone and will not get bored - they might even drag their parents all three days! 

The tractor-obsessed big child...

A grown-up version of our young expert above. This lad will invariably be from Monaghan and will be wearing boot-cut jeans and a pair of desert boots - the same outfit he wears to the local nightclub at home! You can find him hanging around the Grassmen tent buying hoodies. 

Country music nuts...

You can't miss these either. A gaggle of predominantly female, cowboy hat-wearing, whooping and hollering Irish country music fans. They will spend their time having a great aul time at the Band Stand or pounding the paths trying to catch a glimpse of a Derek Ryan or Mike Denver. Selfies will be taken!

The spoofer...

'Ah yeah, that's a lovely looking Massey GI206 with a front loader there.' This lad talks a good game but hasn't a clue that he's actually looking at a John Deere and a GI206 doesn't even exist. If you find this lad, send him off to the welly-throwing contest or whatever tent Richie Kavanagh is singing in pronto!

The angry farmer...

Some of our favourite people at the Ploughing - committed to being cranks. These lads trail the Minister of Agriculture (whoever that might be on the day - if we even have one) muttering abuse and shouting things like, 'Ah, but what about the milk prices for Jazus sake.' 

Marty Morrissey...

The undisputed king of the culchies, Marty Morrissey will be at the Ploughing, somewhere...everywhere. He must be the only man that could be interviewing Joe Canning about the All-Ireland in one tent before nipping in next door to strut down the fashion catwalk. Marty is a man of the people too so we'll take your Derek Ryan and raise you a Marty as the selfie king of the Ploughing. 

The ploughing connoisseur...

This guy knows is standard three-furrow plough class from his reversible plough class. He is there solely to head over to the back field and watch every minute of the actual Ploughing. He scoffs at the hundreds of thousands of people who turn up 'for the craic' as he stands at the boundary tape in the lashings of rain and watches some lad reversing a tractor at two miles per hour. This guy is a purist and we love him for that! 

The kid who's had enough...

For every tractor-obsessed child at the Ploughing, there is a child throwing a temper tantrum to go home. They had their fill after getting a balloon and a Kinder egg at 10am and now they want to go home. No amount of bribing them with more treats will get them to sit through another lap of the RTE tent.

The 'where did I park the car?' person...

There's always one. In their excitement, they leave the car in the morning without taking note of their nearest blimp. Rookie mistake! They'll spend three hours negotiating with stewards and trying desperately to recognise landmarks like gates and fences before using the 'process of elimination' method. Wait until everyone is gone and get into the last car left!!